Dear Ms. Underwood,
I received your fan letter, which strangely ended up in my spam folder, and I should say that I am flattered. Really, your comments about my vitality and youth are too kind.
I must say, however, that I don’t often “envy young boys who can easily satisfy girls six or more times.” And it’s a little peculiar that you asked. Have we met before? Are you a friend of Jane? Or maybe Matthew? Did they put you up to this?
If you were sincere in your offer to improve my coital skills, I am sorry for asking if it was a prank. I do appreciate all my fans, however, um, unique. But I must decline your kind offer.
Sincerely,
Jonathan Scheff
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